Voices

Image source: me. Painting I made

They don’t think I’m serious.
And part of me thinks they’re right. Because there’s no way that I could take my life in the middle of the night.
But what about during the day? Where its at its lightest and everyone’s all smiles.
Sometimes I just sit down and think “they wouldnt notice me gone for a while.”
The voices in my head keep telling me that I should do it.
and I’m always sitting here wondering what would happen if I went through with it.
But I don’t want to tell anyone.
I don’t want to bother.
I don’t want to worry my mother and my father.
I don’t want to be told that I have no reason to feel this way.
I don’t want to be told that the feeling that I feel every day.
Is not valid in the least that I should shut up.
That I have no idea what pain is. Because it’s never happened to me.
it’s a very lonely feeling.
To realize no one would understand.
No one would hold me or dare to take my hand.
Because I’m just that happy girl. Who’s always all smiles.
But every now and then I sit down and realize.
no one would notice if I was gone for a while.
I’m just a filler in everyone’s day. The girl who smile makes them feel a little more OK.
I’m not a human I’m just a table in a room.
holding up the lamp that illuminates those things soon.
soon to come and soon to pass that’s all I really am an acrobat. Just something for people to get along their day.
No one understands a word I say. so I won’t be a bother.
I won’t take up space.
I’ll just sit here with this fake grin upon my face.
because who am I to say that I’m not happy?
Who am I to say that I feel lonely?
I haven’t been through war or cleaned up a friend.
I just wish the voices in my head would stop telling me to make it end.
Because if I were gone no one would notice