His dreams haunted him. He dreamt of the time spent alone and of the people he had drank from. He dreamt of the time he had spent locked inside his house and of the loved ones he had helplessly watched grow old and die. He was alone in this journey, and while he enjoyed his solitude immensely, he could never shake the feeling that something was missing. He felt lost. He felt betrayed by an entity that did not exist. He felt alone but wouldn’t define it that way.
It was as if his whole life he had been chasing his tail in circles and never going along the right path. But how would he know what the right path was? He no longer spoke to those who had brought him into this life and he no longer talked with those that had taught him the things he knew. He had isolated himself completely from those who were manipulative, controlling and just bad for him in general.
In his past he would have laughed at someone like him. Grieving and being a ‘typical’ vampire. Feeling hopeless and sighing away his days. But that is exactly what had become of him. He no longer felt alive like he needed too, and so far this change was helping some but it didn’t seem like it was making a huge impact yet.
He woke up feeling downtrodden and stared at his hands in the light of the tacky seashell lamp. What did it mean to be alive and what did it mean to be happy? He didn’t need people, he was alright by himself and actually preferred the solitude. He didn’t need much of anything, in fact. Just the nourishment to keep going.
But what kind of life was that?
His thoughts went back to human kind. Their lives were so fleeting, and they just wasted away their days being upset over things they shouldn’t and being preoccupied with useless things. But at least they could feel alive from something as simple as a sunrise. They could feel alive with a morning cup of coffee. They could feel alive by simply walking down the street. Humans were so fragile and something he had laughed at for so long…but maybe they held the answer. Their emotions and their fragility…how fleeting their lives were and their weaknesses.
He had become too full of himself and he had placed too much importance on hiding behind his shell. He didn’t want to share certain things with the world but he had crafted a life where he simply didn’t get the opportunity to share them at all. He was lonely…
A knock at the door brought Zanny to answer it.
“Hey, shy boy, what’s up?” she asked, rubbing her eyes in a desperate attempt to become alert.
“Take a walk with me.” He stated, then turned and strode out towards the beach.
Confused, Zanny looked around and then put on her slippers and robe and ran after him still rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
“Do you ever feel alone?” He asked.
“Yes.” Was the reply.
“Do you ever feel alone…but not from lack of human contact?”
“I guess so.” She looked at him confused.
He stopped when his feet hit he cold water and he stared over the expanse of the ocean in all it’s beauty.
“Do you think the sea ever gets lonely?” He asked, barely above a whisper. The wide expanse that never seemed to end seemed so…desolate…
“I think that’s why she has so many storms on her. I think she cries a lot.” Zanny mused, looking over the water as well, standing a few steps behind Ivan so as not to get her slippers wet.
“Okay.” He stated simply, still staring at the water.
“What’s up, shy boy?” She asked him.
“Just working through some things.” He answered. The conversation, small as it had been, left him feeling much more at peace. He smiled a little at the ocean as wave after wave lapped over his feet.
End of PART 3
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