E. Lexi Abbott

The human mind is always trying to turn uncertainty into architecture.

Humans are one of the only animals with a concept of “future.” Sure, there are corvids, orangutans, and chimps that display some ability to plan ahead, but humans are among the only animals we know of that can conceptualize the long-term future.

Because of that, we are deeply aware that present circumstances are not permanent. In fact, we are so aware of this that we even have a name for projecting present circumstances endlessly forward: catastrophizing.

We know life changes, and sometimes those changes make us feel unstable. Whether it’s the end of a job, a relationship, or a shift in living situation and space, there are moments where we are suspended in transition until we find stability again.

But humans naturally dislike instability. It makes us feel ungrounded. Instability means we cannot make plans, and because our perception of the future stretches so far ahead, uncertainty can feel unbearable.

In an attempt to rectify this, our minds turn uncertainty into architecture.

The most common reaction to sudden instability is planning, which feels strangely contradictory. When a gap suddenly opens in our reality, people tend to dig in even harder, grasping for something solid to avoid the feeling of freefall and the sobering realization that we truly do not control anything.

So naturally, we seek control.

Our minds begin filtering for what is within our grasp.

We update resumes, create dating profiles, and introduce ourselves in local Facebook groups to meet people who can help us feel rooted again as quickly as possible.

Despite sayings like, “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey,” people do not enjoy limbo. The anxious mind takes uncertainty and paints it across years of imagined future. Panic follows. Then comes the desperate attempt to regain a sense of control.

So how do we make it better?

We make it better by leaning into ourselves instead of the situation. By remembering who we are.

When we feel ourselves losing control, it often means we started placing our faith in external circumstances instead of in our own ability to navigate change.

To feel stable again, we need to remind ourselves that we are capable of surviving transition. We have skills, desirable traits, intelligence, and resilience.

If you find yourself in a state of emotional freefall, instead of trying to grasp onto something external to slow your descent, wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze.

You are the only true constant in your world.

Remind yourself of times you proved you are capable.

Remind yourself of times you proved you are skilled.

Remind yourself of times you proved you are desirable.

Then slowly come back to center.

Life will change, and even after the dust settles, eventually you will find yourself in freefall again. The only true control you have is over your own actions.

The first step forward is going back to yourself.